dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
