how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
