what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
