hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
