I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
