I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
