I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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