Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
