There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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