She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
