i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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