i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs are out for the taking
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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