Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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