Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
