***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
