Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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