It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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