im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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