A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
