Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
