Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
