when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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