Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
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Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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