Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
