i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
