it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
