we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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