I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
