I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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