I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
