covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
