11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
