Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize