The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
