New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
