20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
