Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Drunk is a universal language darling
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