Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
