What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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