I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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