I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are two peas in an std pod
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
