He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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