I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
