I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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