is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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