Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
