woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
