Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
