How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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