Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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