dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
