That's intense
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
