don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
