I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found puke in my bra..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
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Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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