mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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