you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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