Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
