can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
