If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
