Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
don't judge my taste in strippers
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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